Body Shaming Comes in all Shapes and Sizes
As I have started to dive into this world of body confidence and self love I have become more aware of those around me and how they treat their bodies and how others treat them in regards to their shape or size. It is fascinating to realize that we are so conditioned to treat someone differently based on their physical appearance.
Now this isn't shocking or new news I am sure...first impressions absolutely start with you taking in their appearance before speaking a word to them. That's the reality whether we like it or not. However, instead of it just being based on race, gender or clothing and such, we let their weight also tell us what we think we might need to know about them. We might instantly find them more or less attractive, assume they are more or less successful, and whether or not we are drawn to them.
The thing that baffles me is we demand for women to look how WE think they should look through our own scope and expectations. We say they should be skinner BUT not toooooo skinny...or that they should be heavier....but not toooooo heavy. So really no one wins, because what one person thinks is okay another might not.
The reality is that body shaming is not just directed towards curvy girls but also towards thin girls as well. And honestly this breaks my heart. The idea that just because someone is built differently, people find it okay to judge and or shame them. Eat a burger, dont eat so many burgers, why do they workout so much, maybe they should workout more....these are so easily flipped depending on the person it is coming from and being directed towards.
But body shaming doesn't just come from others saying hurtful things to us. It also comes from us saying hurtful things to ourselves. When we look in the mirror and call ourselves names or assume our worthiness is tied to our weight we are shaming ourselves too. We are choosing to be defined by our bodies and letting society's expectations make us feel beautiful or not. This shaming cycle from others and ourselves is what is causing so many women to have an unhealthy relationship with themselves and food. This shame we feel because of others, our past and our present is stripping away at the core of who we are. We are not meant to be defined by those things but it is hard when we live in a world that makes that so simple and easy. Look good = life is good. But we know that isn't true. We know there is so much more to it than that and we are just chasing after the ideal life or body until it changes and there is a new one to chase after.
Body shaming is unacceptable. The fact that women feel it is helpful, necessary and even okay to shame a woman or themselves because of their shape enrages me. Who do they think they are to believe they have a say over how a woman is supposed to be built or live her life. Sure she may not look how you think she should....but what does it matter to you? What does it matter what she ultimately looks like and who gave you the golden crown to decide that for them? I mean really yall. This is just silly. We know we are stronger together and yet we can't help but let our insecurities get the best of us and tear each other down. It is a sad state of things and I challenge you to be better than that. To rise above the pettiness and insecurities and build up women and start loving yourself too!
But you know what this means?! This means there is no point in trying to work for others approval! YAY! This means that you have the freedom to live your life and love your body just the way it is. There will be people that think you're too big and people who think you are too thin, but there will hopefully be more people who say you are beautiful and not defined by your weight! When we stop striving to look how society pressures us to look we are given the freedom to actually enjoy life. To not worry about the number on the scale or the dress size we just bought. But to feel beautiful in our own skin because who cares what the haters say!
I've said it before and I will say it again...insecure people are the ones judging and shaming. Secure people who love themselves and love their lives don't have time to shame those around them. Whether you've judged or shamed someone because of their body is in the past. Choose to work on your relationship with your own body and spread kindness moving forward. When you reach a place where the number on the scale doesn't affect your mood then you have won. You have decided to be more than the number. Don't let others define you. Don't let others tell you whether or not you look beautiful. You know in your heart where you stand with your body, you know if you are loving and treating it well and thats what matters!
And here's the deal...if you aren't treating it well, change that. Don't work to be others idea of #bodygoals if that means sacrificing your mental health and happiness and don't let food be the escape from your reality. Choose to confront those fears, choose to confront those expectations and stop passively living your life. Start having a say. Start defining what beauty means to you!
True beauty is not in being perfect. It is not in being others idea of beautiful. True beauty is loving and accepting yourself in all your uniqueness. Embrace the uniqueness in those around you. Find beauty in everyone, bigger or smaller. Find beauty because the person has a beautiful soul. Aim to live in a world where we are judged by who we are not by what we look like or our size.